On being fair

Have you ever been accused of being unfair? Sadly, I have and I quite expect that accusation to be hurled at me many more times before my children are fully grown and they are no longer turning my key.

My middle son is usually my accuser. At thirteen, he is not old enough to be given the same privileges as his eighteen year old brother. He finds this unfair. Because he is older than my youngest son, he is required to take on responsibilities not yet expected of his younger sibling. This, he contends, is grossly unfair. It pains me whenever one of my children accuse me of being unfair, so I always try to explain the principle behind my "unfair" decision or action because I know that one of the hallmarks of good parenting is treating each child equally. I have learnt, though, that equal treatment is not necessarily identical treatment and the concept of fairness could be quite a troublesome one.

Parents, teachers, judges, administrators, in fact, anybody who has to make decisions that affect other people, have a crucial responsibility to be fair at all times. Arguably, there are two aspects to fairness. There are some situations where there is a tacit understanding of what’s fair but, generally, fairness or lack of it is judged on the basis of adherence to established laws, rules, and codes of conduct. Another critical aspect of fairness is how a decision made in one situation compares with that made in another similar situation. These two aspects of fairness demand that anyone who can be accused of being unfair be both just and consistent. Whether a decision maker is fair or not has irrevocable consequences. Acting impartially engenders trust and respect; unfair treatment injures integrity and destroys relationships. It is, therefore, critical that people in authority make fairness a paramount goal.

Because fairness is invariably judged, not just on the basis of adherence to established codes of conduct, rules and laws, but also according to how one individual or group is treated in comparison with another, we have to be doubly careful. We should take care that we are not accused of unfairness but we should also be aware that there is always the potential for someone to be unjustly accused of being unfair. Perception of fairness, you see, is dependent on all parties embracing the same principles and viewing the situation from the same perspective. The reality is that this is not always the case. Hence, children think parents are unfair, students think teachers are unfair, church members think pastors are unfair, criminals and lawyers think judges are unfair, people in one continent think a ruling that is made in another continent is unfair and so on and on and on. Perspective, I believe, is critical in judging whether an action or decision is fair or not. 

I’m not by any means suggesting that people are never unfair or that the idea of perspective excuses blatant injustice. It is true that some individuals are guilty of ignoring established principles, laws, and expected standards of behaviour and acting in shamefully unfair ways. We live in an imperfect world so there will always be people who rattle our sense of fairness and trigger vehement disputes. Under no circumstance would I condone unfairness or deny its existence. Rather, it is my view that, as adults, we should exercise a bit of caution before we judge a decision or action to be unfair. A good practice is for us to try to understand all the factors that led to a decision or action before we pull out our ropes. The corollary, of course, is that we should ensure that our own decisions are impartial and we always act fairly to all concerned.